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Library - Theology - Pastafarianism
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Pastafarianism (as in "pasta noodles"), famous for worshipping the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), is a monotheistic religion that originated in the early-to-mid 1990s CE as humour, then steadily gained a significant following almost one decade later (just after the turn of the century). With groups of dedicated worshippers spread across a myriad of countries throughout the world, complimented by many efforts to translate to different languages and promote the deity and his agents, Pastafarianism appears to have developed serious momentum on a global scale to the point that some members are publicly practicing the internationally recognized Pastafarian tradition of symbolically honouring the Flying Spaghetti Monster by wearing a spaghetti strainer as a hat ("because he boiled for our sins") and occasionally "talking like a pirate."
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As was apparently described in ancient texts primarily in the form of seafaring ship Captains' logs, a fairly small island that was naturally profuse with beer volcanoes was devastatingly destroyed by a natural disaster. Legend has it that all known maps to the island that weren't lost were seized and destroyed by hostile Christians (which some Pastafarian scholars like to describe as "the slaughter of the parmesans" from a "the wages of sin are death" perspective) who regarded all historical accounts of the island as heresy, and successfully branded all honest pirates who worshipped the Flying Spaghetti Monster as blasphemous criminals.
Legend also has it that "Hopland" is the name of the realm of the Pastafarian afterlife where all soups and souls go after spending some time in a strainer (a.k.a., pergatory) waiting for a moment of rest between beer volcano eruptions at which point the soul plunges into the calm beer and swims to Hopland. Fresh delicious beer, which is supplied to all beer volcanoes on various planets throughout the universe via noodle-shaped subspace vortexes (a.k.a., worm holes), is the byproduct of the seemingly endless festivities, parties, and on-going exploration of the infinite realm of Hopland (primarily with the help of magical pirate ships that can float on water or beer, and also fly faster than the speed of light with an immunity from the naturally destructive effects of time).
Controversial alternative theories
A number of notable alternative theories concerning the origins of Pastafarian have arisen in recent years which have sparked temporary controversy from time-to-time, one of which was reported by a theoretical noodle researcher named Philip Morton on the first day of January 2014, stated exactly as follows:
- "Pastafarianism was actually founded by John Smith Jr. in the early 1800s. He was making spaghetti one night when an angel visited him and instructed him to serve pasta ONLY with golden plates. He wanted to call it the Church of Later Day Lasagna, but changed his mind."
Skeptical challenges ensued (one of which suspecting that gold plated beer volcanoes might be asserted next), but to no avail as usual. New and even less believable theories continue to be introduced by experts in a wide variety of fields (which usually aren't related to Pastafarian Divinity, even by as much as a twenty-two-and-a-half-feet {6.858 meters} tall noodle).
See also
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